


You Comfort Me

by canarycry (Frost_Iron)



Series: Puppy Love [1]
Category: DCU, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Canon-Typical Violence, M/M, Minor Character Death, Non-con is not between Jason/Dick, Rape/Non-con Elements, addresses canonical rape of Nightwing, feels with hints of fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-20
Updated: 2018-03-24
Packaged: 2019-03-07 06:00:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,971
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13428309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frost_Iron/pseuds/canarycry
Summary: Dick had never considered getting a therapy dog to help with the aftermath of his rape, but when he stumbles upon an abused and abandoned puppy, he can't help but take it under his wing. Little does he know just how much the existence of this small fluffy thing will change the lives of both him and Jason forever.





	1. Chapter 1

Gotham could be a frigid bitch when she wanted to be, spewing crime out of virtually every filth-filled alleyway until the streets swarmed with criminals just itching to cause some trouble. Most people would turn away from the city in disgust, but Dick Grayson wasn’t just any person. He was Nightwing and where others saw something hopeless, Nightwing saw a chance to give children a better future in a city much cleaner and friendlier than this one.

A smile bright enough to light the dark city stretched across Dick’s face as he flew from building to building, his feet barely touching the rooftops. This was the place where Dick felt most alive — well here and also when he was in the presence of his lover, the formerly dead Robin, Jason Todd. His reappearance in Dick’s life had come as both a shock and a happy surprise as it helped to bring Dick out of a dark period in his own life. Barbara had just ended their relationship after he failed to save Blockbuster from Tarantula’s attack, and Dick was falling into a pit of self-loathing.

But then the Red Hood had arrived in Gotham, slaughtering criminals left and right which drew the attention of Nightwing almost immediately. They fought across Gotham, Nightwing desperate to identify this vigilante who seemed to know him so well, until one night Jason revealed himself to Dick. It hadn’t been too long after that the pair began to sleep with each other in a casual manner. 

Recently Dick had begun to feel like he was falling in love, but he knew that Jason wasn’t interested in anything beyond sex. In fact, there hadn’t been a single time that they had slept together in which Jason had spent the night. Dick always woke to a cold bed and an open window which Jason had left through. 

Breaking out of his reverie, Dick’s ears picked up on a scuffle down on the street below. A man held a small Golden Retriever by the scruff of its neck and was shouting directly into the poor dog’s face. Anger bubbled up in Dick’s chest and before he knew it, he had tossed both escrima sticks at the man’s skull, leaving him unconscious and bleeding on the pavement. Dick stood over the man’s body, not understanding where this level of anger was coming from but it wasn’t an unfamiliar feeling, especially not as of late. 

“Nightwing, are you injured? Your pulse has been spiking for a few moments.” Oracle’s voice came in over the comms but by now Dick had managed to get a grip on his anger.

“I’m fine Oracle. I’m heading home. Nightwing out.”

Dick sighed and knelt down in front of the tiny whimpering puppy. Something about the puppy reminded him of Jason; like the puppy, Jason had been a small and abused child when Bruce brought him home, but there was fight in him and a passion that had pushed him into working hard to be a great Robin.

He picked up the puppy and held her close to his chest as he took off for his apartment with every intention of adopting this dog for his own. Maybe Jason would even want to stick around to help him with it — though it was unlikely given that Jason had refused to allow Dick to tell anyone that he was alive. It was a secret Dick was finding difficult to keep from the family.

The acrobat arrived home a little while later and slipped in through the rooftop access to his apartment. It wasn’t extravagant by any means, but it was comfortable and secure which was just about all he could need in a city like Gotham. He had the puppy tucked in to the top of his suit, and it was clear that she was anxious to get out.

Dick was three steps into his apartment when he felt a familiar presence behind him. 

“I’ve been waiting for you to get home. —Shouldn’t keep a guy waiting so long Dickiebird,” Jason purred. Deft hands slid around Dick’s waist, pulling him flush against Jason’s chest. That’s when those hands felt the small squirming lump inside of Dick’s suit.

“Uh…not that I would ever complain about your body Dick, but this seems…new.” Jason frowned as he unzipped the top of Dick’s suit, quirking an eyebrow at the fluffy puppy head that poked through. 

Dick turned and blushed a little as he moved to cradle the puppy. “She was all alone…I couldn’t leave her out in the cold Jay.”

Jason snorted and shook his head, the white streak in his hair glinting under the light in the apartment. 

“You’re just like Bruce…constantly bringing home strays. —You know that you’re on your own with this, right?” Jason folded his arms over his broad chest. “I hope this wasn’t your way of trying to get all domestic with me because I don’t do relationships, not even with you Goldie,” he stated. 

Jason grabbed a beer from the fridge and flopped down on to Dick’s couch. “So we fucking or what? Because if you’re just going to stand there and fawn over the dog, I’ll find something better to do.”

A flare of anger rose up within Dick with just how callous Jason was being — did he truly feel nothing for him? Dick clenched his hands into fists by his sides, ready to lash out at Jason when he heard a small whimpering sound behind him. 

When Dick turned and saw the little puppy needing some love, his anger melted away. Dick had heard of pets being useful for therapy; could this possibly help Jason accept what the Joker had done to him while also keeping him close enough that he might eventually consider a relationship? He hadn't even started to consider the fact that the puppy could help with his own anger issues.

Dick picked up the fluffy puppy and promptly dropped her into Jason’s lap. “If you want to sleep with me tonight, you’re going to help me pick a name for her,” he mused. The puppy yipped happily and put her front paws on Jason’s chest to lick his face lovingly. 

“Why don’t we name her Obnoxious? Or maybe Annoying dick? After all she seems to take after you,” Jason smirked but ran his fingers gently through the puppy’s soft golden fur despite himself. 

Dick rolled his eyes and leaned in closer, stroking the puppy’s fur. “I think I’ll name her Robin,” he mused, a dorky smile on his face as he heard Jason snort. 

“You sentimental mother fucker.”

“Jason! Watch your language in front of the new baby,” Dick grinned and lifted Robin off of Jason’s chest to hold her close. With every stroke of her fur, Dick felt his anger disappearing. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The adult action is actually in this chapter, not the first one so sorry about the false warning! Also I'm a day early posting this, but it's a bit shorter than the other chapters so I apologize about that!

After enjoying Robin’s company for some time, Dick moved into the small kitchen and put out a bowl of water and some cold grilled chicken he had in the fridge for the puppy, promising himself that tomorrow he would shop for some proper pet accessories. 

Dick washed up at the sink only to feel strong hands wrapping around his waist once more. “Dickie….c’mon, you know why I’m here,” Jason purred into his ear. And when Jason pressed up against Dick, he could feel the younger man’s erection against his ass. Despite himself, Dick let out a low moan and melted into Jason’s touch. 

Their relationship had become problematic as every time they finished having sex, Dick was left feeling more like an object that Jason used rather than something of meaning to him. But even though he knew how he would end up feeling at the end of the night, the chance to be with Jason was too appealing to him because try as he might to deny it, Dick was in love with his surrogate brother. 

Dick would be loathe to admit why he allowed himself to be used repeatedly by Jason, but he had a feeling that it stemmed from that dark night months ago. He remembered saying no to Tarantula over and over again but he had been injured and immobile, laying in the street and unable to physically stop her from taking what she wanted.

He inhaled sharply and returned his thoughts to the present where Jason's hands were roaming around his body freely.

“Jason I’m not sure I w—“

“Shush golden boy, the tent at the front of your pants there tells me otherwise. C’mon you know you want my big cock.” Jason smirked and spun Dick around pressing him flush against the counter before dropping to his knees in front of the older man. Within seconds Dick’s head was spinning as Jason wrapped his lips around his hard cock, enveloping Dick in the intense warmth of his mouth. 

“Oh god! Don’t stop Jaybird…that feels so good,” A soft whimper left his mouth followed by a surprised gasp when he felt one of Jason’s calloused fingers press inside of him. Dick’s fingers wrapped around the edge of the counter as he struggled to even out his breathing because fuck what Jason was doing felt incredible.

Suddenly the warm, wet heat of Jason’s mouth left him and he was manhandled, tossed over Jason’s shoulder as the younger man hauled him off to the bedroom. Dick was no fool and after what was now two months of Jason fucking him and then running off into the night, he knew that this was what was coming next and yet still, Dick was finding it difficult to stop him.

It wasn't until Robin began to yip and claw at the door to get inside that Dick came to his senses and decided to stand up for himself. He was done letting everyone take from him without his permission and though he had strong feelings for Jason, it had become clear that the younger man did not feel the same.

"Stop. Jay...stop please," he stated, voice firm. He watched the confusion appear on Jason's face as he slowly backed off. Jason was a lot of things but rapist was certainly not one of them.

"Somethin' wrong pretty boy? I'm not good enough for you now? That it?" Jason stood and grabbed his pants, quickly pulling them up in his haste to get out of there. 

Dick frowned and shook his head, instinctively reaching out to grab for Jason's hand to pull him back. "No little wing that's not it...can you just listen to me for a second? Can't we just have a night together without you needing to fuck me and then disappear like I'm nothing more than some prostitute?"

Jason scoffed while pulling his shirt back on over his head. "You knew goin' in to this that I wasn't the relationship type Dick. It's not my fault if your precious feelings got hurt when you realized I was only after your ass," he spat. Dick was good, maybe even great at reading people but in the heat of the moment, he was unable to see through Jason's tough facade to know that he was lying through his teeth.

Dick felt tears prick at the corner of his blue eyes and he was quick to toss the nearest heavy object at Jason to chase him out of the apartment. When he was positive that Jason was gone for good, he reluctantly climbed out of bed and took the hottest shower he could stand. He scrubbed until his skin was raw and the images of Tarantula were no longer imprinted just behind his eyes. Upon re-entering his bedroom, he noticed that Robin had managed not only to get up on his bed, but had wormed her way under the blankets and was now a small squirming lump upon the mattress.  

A soft chuckle passed through his lips as his tears began to dry up. "Silly pup," he whispered, pulling on some boxers before joining his new friend in bed. All of his fears and anxieties began to dissipate as his fingers gently stroked the soft golden fur along Robin's head.  

"It's just gonna be us from now on, okay? We're all each other needs," he whispered. Sleep eventually found Nightwing and Robin, and for the first time in months Dick slept without any nightmares.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing is hard work and your comments/kudos go a long way! If you have the time to tell me you have liked something you read, or would like to give me feedback I would appreciate it! Update will be every Saturday from here on out.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for rape mentions, but nothing graphic.

Across the rooftops smoke floated up, joining the already smog-ridden sky that covered Gotham. Among the inky shadows the only thing visible was the orange glow at the end of the cigarette which belonged to Gotham's most notorious vigilante. The Red Hood was known for being a ruthless killer when it came to rapists, murderers, or anyone that dared to harm a child. 

But while outwardly he was known to be violent and callous, the Red Hood had a heart that he protected with layers of Kevlar and sarcasm. His teal-green eyes carefully studied the window across the alley, knowing that just beyond the blinds his former lover and surrogate brother was laying in bed, likely upset after the altercation that had occurred not even three hours prior. 

Dick had acted so harshly that it had actually surprised Jason enough so that after he left the apartment, he hunted down Oracle -- the only other person that knew he was alive. She had promised to get in touch with him about what had happened to Dick in the last year and the way she had spoken left Jason with an apprehensive feeling in his gut.

He was broken from his thoughts by the crackle of a comms line coming to life in his ear.  

"Oracle to Red Hood, come in. The line is private and secure, but I would prefer to meet in person. Come to the coordinates I've just sent to your phone," she stated before the feed cut out. Jason sighed and pulled up the locations to the old Gotham clocktower, chuckling softly as he made his way inside past her traps.

"Should've known you'd be the sentimental type just like boy wonder," he mused. "You always did have a thing with this tower," he added, bristling just a bit as he saw her chair. It was another reminder of how the Joker needed to die; he continued to cause pain because Bruce refused to do what was right. 

Barbara offered no more than a face of neutrality and a nod before she wheeled closer to where he was standing. Jason wasn't a man who was easily intimidated but the stoic redhead seated before him had always been able to bring him to his knees with no more than a look. 

"Tonight is nothing more than a courtesy to you Jason. Because I care about Dick...but what you've been doing cannot be ignored. So after I tell you what I know, you have 24 hours to do whatever you have to before I go to Bruce to tell him what I know. What happens after that is on you and I will wash my hands of it," she stated.

Jason clenched his jaw, angry that there was no sympathy or understanding in her voice but he nodded his agreement anyways as he needed the information she was holding on to.

"Fine Barbie, whatever you say just hand it over," he muttered, grabbing for the file in her hands. Barbara began to speak as Jason read through the files, his anger boiling just under his skin.

"Dick was injured about six months ago...when he fell and found himself unable to move, Tarantula moved in and raped him. --He fell into a downward spiral after that and I've been keeping a close eye on him since. Bruce doesn't know about the rape, all he knows is that Dick allowed Blockbuster to be killed. Of course you can probably figure out that Blockbuster's death has since caused another rift between Batman and Nightwing," she whispered. "Dick hasn't been the same since it happened. His anger issues have been out of control and based on my monitoring of his vitals, he suffers from panic attacks and nightmares on a frequent basis."

By the time Barbara finished speaking, the file in Jason's hand had been crumpled beyond repair. It was a secret that Jason kept well hidden, even to Dick, but he had strong feelings for the man who had once been his brother and predecessor. His crush had begun at 13 and had persisted through death; sure Jason had once tried to kill him upon his arrival back to Gotham but he hadn’t been in his right mind when Talia released him into the city. So the idea that someone would hurt the only person he truly cared about was so vile that he was barely able to contain the outburst that came next.

“You just let Bruce think his son failed? How could you let this happen to him?! He’s the one that’s supposed to be happy and tell bad jokes and make stupid fucking puns! He’s not supposed to be raped and then abandoned by the man he considered his Father!” Jason roared.

"Jason that's not what I meant--"  

“You’re just as responsible as Tarantula. And one day, after I’ve taken care of everything elseI have to take care of, I’m coming back for you Barbara,” he spat.

“Watch your back.”

Jason grappled out of the tower and was gone seconds later into the pitch-black Gotham sky. Now there was only one target on his mind and for once it wasn’t the Joker.

Catalina Flores, also known as the Tarantula, had just sealed her fate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing is hard work and your comments/kudos go a long way! If you have the time to tell me you have liked something you read, or would like to give me feedback I would appreciate it!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Non-beta'd, any mistakes are my own!

Of course, as Jason would come to find out, it was not easy to look for someone who was actively trying to hide from the law and from the dark knight. His resources were limited now that he had cut off Barbara from his life but he was determined nonetheless. If Bruce was out looking, maybe he could take this time to slip in to the cave and steal what intel he had already recovered. It was a risky move, he knew, because there was a chance that his replacement or the demon spawn would be lurking but it was just a chance he was going to have to take.

When he arrived through the waterfall entrance a few hours into Batman’s patrol with Robin, he spent a few moments reminiscing about his time here as Robin. It had been the happiest couple of years in his life, but Bruce had allowed him to die and he had woken, clawing through the wood of his coffin and then the dirt, feeling bitter and full of rage. Acid began to rise up in his throat but he forced it back and focused on the large array of computers, which were asking for a password. He knew Bruce wouldn’t be so obvious as to use a name or a birthday,so hacking in was his only option and not one of his strongest talents. 

Jason was heavily invested in his version of hacking, oblivious to his surroundings when the sound of someone clearing their throat startled him. He fought down a blush at the fact that he had been caught off guard and began preparing to attack. 

"You're never going to get the password that way. I'm the one who created the security for the batcave," Tim stated smugly, folding his toned arms over his chest. He was still in his civvies, leading Jason to believe that Bruce must have benched him for one reason or another. 

Jason grunted as he stood, grabbing his helmet off of the console. He quickly put it on before turning to face Tim, not wanting his identity revealed as anything but the Red Hood. "Well then make yourself useful replacement, and give me access so I can get the fuck out of here. --And spare me the questions, I'm not here to harm you...at least not yet. If you're as smart as the Bat thinks you are, then I'm sure you know who I am so the sooner I'm gone, the safer you are," he growled. 

He saw the look of indignation on his replacement's face and Jason wondered briefly if the big bad bat was going to come swinging in from the shadows. But when nothing happened, Jason figured that maybe Tim hadn't alerted his surrogate Father just yet, which was beneficial for him given that he was still hiding his true identity.

"Tell me where I can find Catalina Flores and I'll leave without putting a bullet between those pretty blue eyes," he stated, shifting his hand in the direction of his holster. His anger at being replaced had originally been directed at Tim but now the only person he still wanted to see dead was the clown. Being with Dick had calmed him somewhat but the Lazarus Pit still occasionally reared its hideous head. 

As Tim remained silent, Jason's unease with being so close to his former home grew. He had to get out of here before someone put the pieces together on the man behind the Red Hood.

"Only someone who knows Nightwing intimately would care about killing Tarantula. Are you dating him? If you're dating him, you must know who he is which means he trusted you enough with his identity or....or you knew who he was before you showed up in Gotham guns a blazing," Tim whispered. 

"Stop hypothesizing and get me the information I need, replacement. I have rapists to kill and I don't need you wasting my fuckin' time!" Jason was panicking internally; he needed to leave but Catalina had dropped off the grid and since Oracle refused to help, the Bat Cave was the only place he could think of that would be useful in tracking her down. 

Tim seemed about ready to refuse again when roar of a motorcycle echoed into the cave. 

"Shit-- He wasn't supposed to be on patrol tonight," Jason cursed to himself, seeing the signature blue and black of Nightwing's costume as the vigilante came to a stop in front of them. What was he supposed to do now? The last time he had seen Dick, it had been their fight and there wasn't much in the way of an explanation that he could offer right now as to why he was holding a gun to Tim's head.

He saw the way that Dick approached with caution, clearly believing that Jason was serious about injuring or killing his replacement. 

"Hood...put the gun down, now. I don't think either of us want to do something we'll regret. Tim, I want you to go upstairs to your room okay? Let me handle this-- and don't bother arguing or I'll tell Bruce about the little military-grade hacking project you have going on," Dick stated, his voice one of authority with the new Robin. 

Jason was almost disappointed that Tim was obeying Dick's orders because now he was forced to deal with the already forming awkward tension in the room. He could practically feel the lecture that Dick was aiming to throw at him and holy shit did Jason want zero part in that.

Once Tim was gone, Dick's face shifted from one of suspicion to one of hurt and betrayal with just a hint of anger. The oldest Robin very rarely got angry, but lately his emotions had been unpredictable and Jason found himself worried about how this 'talk' was going to end.

"What the fuck do you think you're doing here Jason?" he hissed quietly, as if still trying to protect Jason's identity; Jason knew that his secret had been blown the very second he walked into the cave, but he had been willing to risk that to protect Dick from Tarantula. 

"Did you really think that Babs wouldn't give me a heads up that you were looking for...for her? Why do you even care Jason? Just the other day you told me that I'm nothing more than a piece of ass to you so if I don't even qualify as a brother that you might care about, I fail to understand why you'd be interested in tracking down the woman that tried to destroy me." Dick's voice was filled with venom, but even if it hadn't been, it still would have been obvious to Jason just how much his words had hurt the man he was in love with.

Jason ran his tongue over his bottom lip while he considered his response. He wasn't in the market to expose his feelings, especially after how they had all but broken up just a few nights ago. He removed his helmet once more before speaking.

"Catalina Flores is a rapist, ergo she deserves to die. If I end up protecting you while I'm at it, then I guess that's just a bonus for you, isn't it golden boy?" Jason sneered, his face contorting easily to hide his own pain over intentionally hurting Dick.

But he wasn't expecting what came next. 

The first of Dick's incoming blows landed squarely against Jason's jaw, sending rippling pain outward from there. Dick knew how to inflict pain and he was sure as hell not holding back now. It was a side to his brother that Jason had never seen; one of pure outrage and animosity that shocked and scared the Hood (which was not an easy task to accomplish). His normally pun-loving, processed-food-consuming lover had shifted into something straight out of a nightmare.

Jason recovered from his thoughts in time to block the last few blows, but it was the sound of a soft bark coming from the top of the stairs that caused Dick to pause his actions. 

That damn puppy that Dick had insisted on adopting was poised on the stairs, watching as Alfred stood dutifully behind it. There was no surprise that passed over the butler's face, as if he had known all along that Jason was the Red Hood and that he had returned from the dead. But then again, Alfred had the ability to know everything before even Bruce figured things out.

"If you boys are quite finished making a bloody mess of the cave, this young canine is in need of a bath and a feeding. Master Bruce will be returning shortly and I would hate for him to be reacquainted with Master Jason looking as he does," Alfred gave a sigh as he finished speaking. 

Dick looked over sheepishly at Jason, noting the broken nose and blooming black eye that he had managed to give his brother. But as Dick glanced over to the puppy, Jason could see the change in his face from one of fear and anger to one of contentment and relief. Maybe having a dog around would do his brother some good.

Jason picked up his helmet and walked over to his bike.

"Where do you think you're going?" Dick tapped one foot against the metal floor and folded his arms over his chest.

A small scoff left the former Robin's mouth. "Leavin' before the big bad bat returns. I'd rather be re-buried than see that sanctimonious prick again." Jason rolled his eyes and shoved his helmet back on.

"If you ever want me to speak to you again, you'll get off that bike, come upstairs with me, and help me give Robin a bath." Dick's voice was firm and unwavering. Jason was tempted to just take off but his heart betrayed him otherwise and he found himself swinging his legs back over the bike, leaving his helmet sitting on the seat. If Alfred knew about him, it was only a matter of time before Bruce knew so he didn't feel like he was risking much by leaving his things in the cave.

Jason sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose.

"What in the fuck have I gotten myself into?" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing is hard work and your comments/kudos go a long way! If you have the time to tell me you have liked something you read, or would like to give me feedback I would appreciate it!


	5. Chapter 5

Two hours later, a soaking-wet soap-suds covered vigilante collapsed onto the bed in his nearest safe house. The offer to stay over had been presented by Alfred, but the very moment that Jason had heard Bruce's voice in the distance, he had shot out of there on his bike faster than a bullet from a gun. It was here in the sanctity of his bare-bones apartment that he could quietly reflect upon the night. 

_"You have to hold her in place!" Dick's face mirrored his exasperated tone as Jason wrestled the small puppy into the bathtub. She had kicked and barked at the shower hose enough so that it had gone flying from Dick's hand, soaking both former Robins._

_They were hardly ten minutes into what would turn into an hour-long ordeal. Jason finally wound up in the tub with Dick and the puppy. Bubbles floated through the air along with light laughter from both of the young men. It appeared Robin wasn't a comfort for Dick alone._

_Jason massaged the dog shampoo into the retriever's soft fur, reveling in the now softer happy yips rather than the angry barks she had been delivering earlier. Dick too looked almost serene here in this particularly intimate setting that was normally far too domestic for Jason's comfort._

_He paused, opening his mouth then shutting it before opening it again._

_"You should have told me...how what we were doing was making you feel. --You know I've been on the side of someone being used and I damn sure don't want to be the person making you feel like some glorified escort," Jason stated. His tone was soft as he wanted to avoid aggravating his crush._

_Dick glanced at him with those inquisitive blue eyes but remained silent as he began to rinse the soap from Robin's fur. Jason could tell he was mulling things over, but the silence was unnerving. Dick was rarely if ever silent. Usually it was all any of them could do to get him to shut up._

_"I wasn't aware you even cared about my feelings little wing, you don't seem to care much about anything in my life," the older bird whispered. "You wouldn't even let me tell the family you were alive, much less involved with me--"_

_"We're not involved. We had a casual fling a few times Dickie, stop trying to make it more than it is," Jason interrupted. He knew his words were going to hurt and as he watched the expression on Dick's face, he knew that they had._

Jason sighed and lit up a cigarette, savoring the burn as he inhaled and let the smoke fill his lungs. Why was he so emotionally stunted? Dick had walked out of the bathroom with Robin wrapped in a fluffy towel after Jason had lied about wanting more. He hadn't said another word, but he didn't have to for Jason to understand the gravity of what he'd done. 

He watched the smoke leave his lips, swirling in the space above his head elegantly. The wisps of smoke mingled together, reminding Jason of a tango between two lovers. Was he doomed to be alone for the rest of his life simply because he couldn't bring himself to admit how he really felt about Dick?

Jason felt the presence of someone else in the room before he saw anyone. Batman had long ago mastered the skill of lurking in even the smallest shadow, but in the murkiness of his room the vigilante was almost indiscernible. 

"I know you're there old man, you may as well show your face." Jason sat up and put out his cigarette, anticipating the argument that was to come. He'd known that after spending time in the cave earlier, Bruce was bound to put the pieces together. The bat had clashed with the Red Hood on more than one occasion, but Jason hadn't yet had time to set up his master plan where he would force Bruce to choose between him and the Joker -- Dick had gotten in the way of that.

"Jason--" It was Bruce that stepped out of the shadows, complete with a black turtleneck and not Batman. Jason hated how his former mentor whispered his name like some form of anguished prayer and how he decided to come without armor as if Jason wasn't capable or willing to kill him.

Jason was already lighting up another cigarette as Bruce launched into his questioning. 

"How? Jason I watched you die...I held your body in my arms in Sarajevo--" Then Jason watched as it all clicked into place for the older man. 

"You sure did, but I bet you didn't know that after you had buried me, I had to claw my way out of that fuckin' grave. My fingers were bloody and broken. I couldn't breathe! I suffocated all because you were too much of a god damn coward to kill the clown! I would have lived! I would have grown up if not for you!" He shouted. Bruce remained silent, watching as Jason drew closer to him and continued his rant.

"Then as if that wasn't bad enough, I was tossed head first into the Lazarus Pit. Have you ever been in Bruce? No? Well allow me to enlighten you as to how it feels." Flecks of green flashed in Jason's eyes as the man relived his pain. He brought up his fist and cracked Bruce across the jaw before leaping on him and tackling him to the ground. 

"At first it just feels like your skin is tingling, almost like something is brushing up against you. But then the water takes hold -- it worms it's way through your veins, crackling angrily and burning you from the inside out," he hissed. Jason punched Bruce across the face to the left and then to the right, expecting satisfaction and finding none. "When they finally drag you out of the water, all you feel is anger. It's pure, venomous rage directed at the only thing you can focus on: the Father who fucked you up and left you to die!" 

Jason's punches began to weaken in their intensity but he didn't relent. He wanted to hurt Bruce as if it could make up for the pain and suffering he went through after the Joker killed him. Jason aimed to land another blow but suddenly he felt the strong grip of hands around his wrists, stopping him.

"Jason. I won't fight you, so if you want to keep doing this you'll have to keep going until I'm dead and something tells me you don't want Dick to find out that you've killed his Father." Jason clenched his jaw and wrenched his arms away from Bruce before retreating to another corner of the room.

"You haven't changed one fuckin' bit. Always worried about your golden boy and how he's going to react to something! Why don't you just admit that you never cared about me and stop pretending that you're some perfect fuckin' Father figure! We both know why you're really here..."

Jason walked over to his closet and grabbed the bag of things Dick had left at this particular safehouse the last time they'd been too worked up to get back to Dick's penthouse. Every step towards his former mentor has anger within it and when he shoved the bag up against Bruce's chest, he does so with enough force to knock him off kilter just slightly.

"This is the part where you tell me that I'm not good enough for your precious son." Jason's eyes narrow, refusing to break eye contact with the slightly taller man. He watched as Bruce held the bag, fingers gripping the fabric before he dropped it and left without another word.

"Nice seeing you too old man." Jason grabbed his cigarettes and retreated back to his bed, cursing the day he ever met Bruce Wayne. At least the street had been honest about how shitty and deceptive it was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing is hard work and your comments/kudos go a long way! If you have the time to tell me you have liked something you read, or would like to give me feedback I would appreciate it!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger Warning: Graphic Rape Scene
> 
> Some dialogue taken directly from the comics. I do not own it (nor would I want to own that trash)

A week had passed since Dick had stormed out of the bathroom, leaving Jason alone with Robin. The older vigilante had focused on his job both as a police officer, and as Nightwing but no matter how he tried to push the events of that day out of his mind, it was all that seemed to play behind his eyelids when he rested his head on the pillow. Of course, every time he relived Jason asking why he hadn't told him how he felt, he also relived the night of his rape. 

_Blockbuster had been fighting with him for almost an hour at this point. Dick lost count of how many times the villain had threatened everyone he loved, and he was growing tired. With his identity as Nightwing now in shambles, Dick was finding it difficult to keep up this fight. In fact, he had been locked in a physical struggle with Blockbuster when Catalina Flores, better known as Tarantula, arrived._

_Dick was exhausted and he was quickly losing the ability to fight Blockbuster. Catalina had approached the fighting pair with a gun in her hands, one finger on the trigger but her eyes remained trained on Dick._

_"No one would blame you if you simply stepped away from him. You can admit that he would be better off dead," she stated. "All you have to do is get out of my way."_

_Dick cringed as Blockbuster laughed, mocking the idea that Dick would simply allow the villain to die even at the expense of his own life._

_“But he won’t. Don’t you see, you stupid girl? This very moment, he’s thinking of how to save me from you!” Blockbuster cackled and shook his head. “Even my life is more important to him than his own!”_

_This was what Dick had been trained for, wasn’t it? Bruce had drilled into him that even the lowest, scumbag of a villain deserved to live. These lessons had tortured Dick when he saw the countless innocent lives stolen away by the villains that never stayed in prison long enough to make any sort of difference on the crime rates in Gotham._

_“—And that’s how I’ll take him apart. Loved one by loved one, innocent by innocent…it will never stop,” Blockbuster spat._

_It will never stop, Dick thought._

_It will **never stop**._

_"STOP!" He screamed. He let Blockbuster go and shoved him backwards towards Catalina._

_Dick heard the gunshot echo in his ears like a scream, forcing guilt and shame upon him. The spray of Blockbuster's blood coated his face and hands. The fallen hero looked down at his hands and stumbled up the stairs to the roof, collapsing in a mix of sheer exhaustion and depressive guilt for allowing Catalina to kill Blockbuster._

_As he laid on the roof, he could hear his mentor's voice in his head telling him what a disappointment he was._

_Batman's face flashed in front of his face, his expression one of shame and disgust. "I raised you better than this Dick! Murdering a villain makes you no better than them! You can't cross that line!"_

_"Stop...please stop," Dick whimpered, feeling the physical weight of his guilt settle on him. When he opened his eyes he saw Catalina straddling him. She had removed the bottom half of her costume and was working on his own. Dick choked back a sob as he tried to push her off of him, but the fight with Blockbuster had left him so weak he could hardly move._

_"No...don't touch me-- I don't want this," he stated weakly. Catalina hushed him, pressing a kiss to his lips as her fingers worked on getting his cup off. "It's okay querido, I'll make you feel better," she promised, either ignoring his pleas to stop or simply willing herself to hear what she wanted._

_Dick kept his eyes closed the entire time that she ground their bodies together, trying to will his body not to react. But biology was working against him and when she forced him to come, he felt a mix of anger and shame so strong that he became physically ill there on the rooftop. "Get out of here!" He shouted at her, a bit of strength returning to him and allowing him to push her away._

_Having apparently gotten what she wanted, Catalina took off into the night without another word._

Dick shuddered and stared into the fireplace from his place on the bed, shaking the thoughts of that night off. He recalled laying in the rain for over an hour before Oracle had checked in with him. Babs had been the only one Dick had trusted with the knowledge of what happened that night, at least until Jason had found out and taken it upon himself to seek vengeance in Dick's name. It had taken a long time to get back his name after that night but the anger had never gone away and now the only thing that seemed to calm him was holding his new puppy.

He sighed and stood up slowly, knowing he needed to find Catalina before Jason did. Dick couldn't deal with another body on his hands or conscience.

This time Dick would make the right choice even if Catalina didn't deserve his help.

\--x--

It hadn't taken Dick long to track down Tarantula given that the places she usually haunted were all within a few miles of each other. Plus it couldn't hurt that he piggybacked off of some data that Babs already had on the woman.

Dick recalled the night of the rape -- Oracle had sent Cass to pick him up from the rooftop, knowing she was a member of the family that wouldn't ask any questions. He'd been brought back to the Clocktower where Barbara had tried for hours to pry details out of him, until she finally looked at the CCTV feeds and saw for herself what had occurred. 

There hadn't been any anger in her voice nor any shame for the fact that Dick had stepped back and allowed Blockbuster to die, but he did register pity for what had happened in the rain on the roof after Blockbuster's murder. He had spent the next week in the Clocktower, alternating between long, scalding showers and lengthy naps buried under a pile of blankets. When sleep came, it came in droves but it was often filled with nightmares that rendered him a sweaty, screaming mess by the time Barbara shook him awake.

Now, nearly a year later, the nightmares were sparse but the anger he harbored towards Catalina still brewed like a raging storm inside of him. Dick now found that he was acting just slightly more like the Red Hood when it came to the brutality he showed his victims, but he never allowed himself to step over the line into killing. After all, he knew how guilty and ashamed he had felt for allowing Blockbuster to die at the hands of another; killing someone with his own hands would destroy him.

A loud clap of thunder broke Dick from his thoughts and forced him back into the moment at hand. He was down to the last of Tarantula's safe-houses and Dick was praying he would get here before Jason since they were operating on almost the same level of intel. He knew that if Jason arrived first, Catalina would be dead before she could even plead her case and while Dick wanted to see her pay, death wasn't justice -- not when it was rendered at the hands of a vigilante. 

The lock on the door was broken and the frame had splintered where someone had kicked in the door as an added measure. It left a pit in Dick's stomach as he drew his escrima sticks and crept into the apartment. His ears pricked up slightly at the sound of a struggle and that was when Dick knew he couldn't afford to hesitate any longer.

"--one good reason why I shouldn't put a bullet between your fuckin' eyes right now?" Jason's voice was muffled by the closed door of the next room.

Dick rushed into the room just as Jason cocked his gun into position to fire. Despite his anger towards Catalina, he had no desire to watch Jason splatter her brains across the dilapidated wooden floor. And Catalina didn't seem too intent on begging for her life.

"Hood stop! This isn't your concern and killing her won't give me any justice!" He shouted. "If I had wanted to deal with this legally, I would have so I _definitely_ don't want to watch you handle this your way!"

Jason scoffed and stepped closer to Catalina who at this point was laying on the floor, an indignant look upon her face. She had always been a little too proud and now Dick wondered if it would get her killed. 

"She doesn't deserve to live! She is a rapist and a murderer Nightwing! This bitch cares only about herself and no one else! That will never change and you know what-- neither will I," he spat.

The gunshot rang out in Dick's ears until a dull scream was all he could hear. It wasn't until much later that he realized it had been his own. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the supportive comments! They mean so much to me and they truly fuel my writing! If you have comments/questions, please feel free to leave them below! Find out how Dick copes with these events next Saturday!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry for the delay! We got hit pretty bad here in New England with that last storm and I was out of power for a couple days. We should be back to our regularly scheduled postings now!

_24 Hours Earlier_  

Jason had been a miserable fucker to be around since his break up with Dick -- according to Roy. The archer was sitting across from him at Gotham Beans & Banh Mi, some weird hipster cafe that Roy had picked simply because they served both coffee and Vietnamese food; Jason was holding out hope that the two weren't combined. Jason was currently making a game out of seeing how long he could stare at the menu and hope Roy would stop pestering him about Dick.

"--All I'm sayin' is if you tried to open up a little more, and change the whole murder-y thing, maybe things would have gone better with Dick." Roy spooned a mouthful of applesauce into Lian's mouth, cooing at her when she ate it without issue. It seems strange to Jason just how far his best friend has come just in the short time that he's been a Father. He remembered all of the days spent watching over Roy, making sure he hadn't overdosed -- days that reminded him too much of how he had cared for his own Mother.

He shook off the memories and glanced up at the waiter who had made his way over. After placing an order for two banh mi sandwiches and a Coke, he turned his attention to Lian and Roy. "You've changed," he remarked absently, a slight shrug of his shoulders following the comment.

Roy turned his face up and as soon as Jason saw the smirk, he knew he was in for a lecture. "Shit...no just stop I don't want to hear--"

"Let's talk about changing for the people we love, Jaybird. --Lian is all that matters to me right now, and because she needs a stable loving parent in her life, I decided to get clean. It didn't happen overnight, but little changes like going to Narcotics Anonymous, and starting on a rehab program really helped." 

Jason watched as Roy paused his speech to clean off Lian and burp her. It was an odd sight, his best friend with a baby, but something about it stirred a desire to change for the only person in his life that mattered -- Dick. If Roy could change for someone, couldn't he? Of course Jason knew there was a large disconnect between murdering criminals and getting over a drug addiction, and there was a chance Dick would never forgive him fully for his past but wasn't it all worth trying for anyways?

"M'not gonna just give up being who I am for him Roy. I can't do that...not after everything that Bruce let that psycho clown get away with," he stated. 

Jason held up a hand before Roy could speak again, wanting to save himself from another heartfelt speech. "--I never said that I wouldn't try...but I can only make certain concessions," he added. 

The pair ate their meals in companionable silence, only pausing between bites long enough to remark on how delicious the food was. For Jason and Roy, the two had been close enough to go without the mundane small talk that most people fill silences with. When they finished eating, Jason picked up the bill and moved to kiss the top of Lian's head gently. 

"Keep your Dad in line, or I'll have to come kick his ass," he mused. Jason left with a chuckle as Roy flipped him off. 

Jason grew introspective during his walk back to his apartment. Would he be able to settle for something like only killing when his life was on the line? Talia had sent him back to Gotham full of bitterness and intense anger, directed at the Bat Clan. But out of that anger, the Red Hood was born and Gotham had been safer ever since. He was the one capable of doing what Batman could not, why should he give that up for some guy who might not love him back?

From the moment Jason unlocked the door to his apartment, he knew that a Bat had been in there. All of his traps had been disarmed, but nothing appeared to be missing. When he stepped into the kitchen, he saw the package sitting there on the counter. Attached to the brown packing paper was a note that simply read:

 

          _If you're ready to be better for Dick, then you're ready to be better for yourself._

_I think these will help. If you decide you like the change, there are more where_

_these come from, as well as new access to the Cave._

 

_-B_

 

Jason scoffed and rolled his eyes but tore the paper open nonetheless. Inside the box was a new gun and two boxes of non-lethal electrified rounds, designed to knock a criminal unconscious instead of killing or maiming them. "Where's the fun in that?" Jason muttered under his breath as he loaded the magazine. But when the time came to leave for patrol, he found himself loading one of the guns into his thigh holster -- just in case, he told himself. 

He spent the majority of the night going from robbery to domestic abuse, and each time he opted to use non-lethal force, trying it out to see if he could still level his form of justice while also providing the people committing lesser crimes the chance to rehabilitate while in Blackgate. Now while it didn't rid him on the pit-fueled blood lust, it also did provide him with some sense of a moral compass; something he had believed long since gone.

The Red Hood lingered near the Clocktower for about an hour, just listening to the other Bats over the comm lines when he heard Dick's voice come alive in a near panic.

"Oracle, I need Tarantula's last known location. --I think Hood is on his way to take her out," he stated.

"I have a list of five possible safe-houses in Gotham. 2 in Crime Alley, 1 in the Bowery, and 2 in New Gotham," she stated. "Uploading coordinates to you now."

Jason bristled a little and quickly pulled his helmet back on, taking off for the safe-house in the Bowery -- the only one he hadn't known about and the last one he needed to check. He closed out the comm lines, not wanting to hear Dick express his worries to Barbara. Catalina Flores had taken everything from Dick, so why did he care so much if she lived or died?

It took Jason about 20 minutes to get to the Bowery, his anger in full force by the time he arrived. Based on the lack of traps leading in to Tarantula's safe-house, she either believed that she was in the clear for her crimes, or she was dumb enough to believe she could physically take on any one of the Bat clan by herself.

Jason didn't bother using any stealth once he had picked the lock. If she didn't know he was here by now, he sure as hell wanted her to realize that vengeance in the form of the Red Hood had just arrived. 

To the untrained eye, the safe-house would have appeared empty. However to the Bat-trained Red Hood, every shadow was a potential hiding place for this spider he was hunting.  He spotted her quickly, poised in the corner of the room. The glint from her knife reflecting in the dim light of the apartment. 

“Come out come out little spider, it’s dinner time and you’re on the menu,” Jason called, smirk tugging the corners of his lips up. The vigilante leaned ever so slightly to the side as a dagger whizzed by his helmet and lodged in the wall behind him. He turned his gaze back just in time to watch Catalina descend from her perch in the obsidian shadows. She was every bit the spider he expected to see, both in the way she moved and in the predatory look she kept in her eyes as she watched Jason.

"The Red Hood...to what do I owe this pleasure? I heard rumor that you dealt mainly in drugs. I'm afraid I have very little to offer if that happens to be why you're here," she said. Catalina spun a dagger between her fingers, but Jason clocked the slight shift in her shirt that told him she was packing a gun too. 

Jason let out a low, dark chuckle and shook his head. "All the drugs in Gotham couldn't stop me from givin' you what you deserve Tarantula. --I'm here for Nightwing. Rapists don't get to stay alive in my city," he spat. A flash of panic passed over Catalina's face but even though she made an attempt to run, Jason was faster and less than 30 seconds he had her down on the floor, pinned under his weight. 

"Admit it...I want to hear you say that you raped him! Confess!" He shouted at her, gun pointed at her head. "Tell me what you did to him!" He screamed, landing a strike across her face when she remained silent. Catalina laughed through the pain, spitting blood on to Jason's helmet. 

" _He liked it_ ," she hissed. Green light flashed in front of Jason's eyes, that pure form of Lazarus Pit anger fueling him as he began to land punch after punch to her face until she was bruised and bloody. He lifted his gun again, pointing it at the still-laughing woman beneath him. But he was interrupted before he could get a shot off.

Nightwing had rushed in to the room in all of his black-and-blue glory, pleading with Jason not to fire off a shot into the woman who had raped him. Jason scoffed a little and shook his head, cocking his gun anyways.

"She doesn't deserve to live! She is a rapist and a murderer Nightwing! This bitch cares only about herself and no one else! That will never change and you know what-- neither will I," Jason spat.

But even as he pulled the trigger, he knew that it wasn't quite true. If Jason had been unable to change for the better, that bullet would have left Catalina Flores bleeding out instead of rendering her unconscious and ready for jail. When the shot rang out, Jason became vaguely aware that beyond that sound was the sound of Dick screaming -- a sound he couldn't recall ever hearing from the older man. 

Jason made quick work of tying Catalina up, leaving her for the GCPD to deal with. Dick was still standing there, wide-eyed and shocked that no one was covered in brain matter. The questioning look was going to come with Dick expecting answers that Jason didn't want to give so quicker than Dick could even speak his name, Jason was gone out the window and into the cold Gotham night. 

An hour later as the Red Hood sat with his legs dangling over the edge of a building, his communicator dinged. A soft chuckle left him as he stared down at the access codes to the bat cave. Maybe making a few small changes to his methods wouldn't be so bad after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you liked it or have suggestions for other stories you'd like to see, please let me know! JayDick isn't the only ship I write for so don't hesitate to ask for something (though I'd like to stick to the DC Fandom please)


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting early because I work tomorrow! This one is a little on the short side, but I think it'll please!

Dick had left Catalina's safe-house as soon as he heard the sirens from the GCPD arrive outside of the building. He had remained perched on the roof across the street, eyes narrowed as he watched Commissioner Gordon directing his lieutenants into the building only to have them come back out a few moments later with Catalina bound and restrained. She was shoved into the back of one of the cars unceremoniously as if she was just some random criminal they had grabbed off of the streets, but to Dick her arrest meant more than that.  

To Dick, this was the woman who had taken away his choices - his right to be anything more than some sick woman's personal sex toy. Dick had spent so long blaming himself for Blockbuster's murder and the aftermath of what happened with Catalina, and his mind had become a living hell where he twisted the intimacy he shared with Jason into something it wasn't. Jason was a lot of things, but Dick was beginning to see clearly that if Jason had just been using him this entire time, he likely wouldn't have gone through so much to punish Catalina where Dick had failed to do so.

Having the knowledge that his rapist was finally off the streets was allowing Dick to breathe a little easier, but it still took him more than three days to gather up the courage to go after Jason. He had questions surrounding Catalina's capture that he simply couldn't let go. 

Dick waited until well after Jason had gone to sleep for the night before landing gracefully on his balcony. Despite his training, Dick nearly missed three of Jason's discreetly placed traps on his way in, but in the end he gained egress into the small apartment. 

The balcony led into an open concept living room and kitchen, and though both relatively small in comparison to Dick's own penthouse, the tidy apartment helped to shed some light on Jason's illusive personal life. There were four bookshelves, all filled with books that looked well-loved, an ashtray that looked homemade, and a ring-stained coffee table where Dick could picture Jason enjoying cup after cup of exotic tea while reading _Pride & Prejudice _for the 15th time. A soft smile fell to the vigilante's face as he picked up the dog-eared copy of Jane Austen's novel, flipping through the pages to see the passages that Jason had highlighted. This was the man he had fallen for -- not the violence of the Red Hood, but the loud mouthed brat that had a soft spot for great literature and a brain with the capabilities to outwit even Bruce.

But it was the slight creak from one of the wooden floorboards behind him and the _click_  of a gun cocking into position that had Dick dropping the book and slowly turning, his hands held up in the air defensively. 

"Dickhead? What the hell are you doing here at 4 in the fucking morning?" Jason asked, slowly lowering the gun.

Dick shrugged and offered a sheepish smile. "Would you believe me if I said I came to borrow a cup of sugar? No? I uh...I need to talk to you about the other night," he said softly.  

Jason quirked an eyebrow and put the gun down on the coffee table before picking up the book that Dick had dropped.

"This sounds like a bourbon on the rocks type of conversation but all I have is cheap vodka so it's gonna have to do," Jason said as he walked into the kitchen, snagging a bottle of vodka from the freezer along with some ice and two glasses. 

Jason slumped down at the small kitchen table and poured the vodka into two glasses, leaving the open bottle beside him. Dick followed suit and sat down across from them, feeling a little uneasy. Jason pushed a glass towards Dick before drinking his in one go, barely letting it show if it burned his throat at all on the way down. 

Dick took a sip, his face scrunching up in displeasure at the burn of the alcohol. He put his glass down and sighed, feeling Jason's eyes burning a hole into him.

"Are you goin' to keep me waiting all night because you have until this bottle runs out and then I'm goin' back to bed," Jason stated. He leaned back in his chair with the drink in his hand, waiting for Dick to speak. 

Dick swirled the ice around in his glass before nodding. "I want to know why you didn't kill Catalina when killing rapists has always been the Red Hood's motive," he said. "You went after her like ending her life was your only goal, but when you actually had the opportunity, you didn't do it. Why?"

Jason shrugged but looked visibly uncomfortable. "I found some new electrified bullets and decided to try them out. Ain't a guy allowed to take a break from killing every once and a while?" He replied, clearly trying to be nonchalant with his answer. 

Dick stood and began to pace, shaking his head as doubts filled his mind. "No...no because I've seen you kill over things that don't matter to you and this is different somehow. --You could have put a bullet through her brain, or beat her to death, or snapped her neck but you chose to bring her to justice in a way that you knew I wanted! So why! Tell me why!" He shouted. 

The loud echoing of Jason slamming his glass down against the wooden table hard enough to shatter it silenced Dick immediately. 

"I did it because I love you! I love you despite the fact that half the time your goody-two-shoes, pun-loving ass annoys the ever loving shit out of me! I love you even though I have known since I was 14 fucking years old that you were too good for me, and I love you even though I know there is no chance in hell you could _ever_ ever love someone as ruthless and cold-blooded as me!" 

Jason paused to take a breath, staring at Dick. "There! Is that what you expected to hear?" He asked, breathless and awaiting a response.

Dick inhaled sharply and grabbed his jacket, bolting out the front door without a word before Jason even had the time to blink.

The door was barely shut before Jason grabbed the vodka bottle and threw it hard against the wall, relishing in the explosion of glass that echoed the hurt and anger he was feeling inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting close to the end! I hope you've all been enjoying it :) If you like it, please let me know! I thrive on comments and kudos!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is pretty short, but I think it's a necessary plot point!

Jason had spent the remainder of his night pacing the apartment, trying to decide how to do damage control now that he had released his torrent of feelings on Dick and then watched him walk away like he hadn't cared about anything Jason had said. In the end he decided that sucking it up and going over to Dick's to get the rest of what he had left there was the best plan. That way he could confirm that anything they had was truly over, and he wouldn't have to spend the rest of his miserable second life wondering what could have been. 

It took him another two hours to get up the courage to actually go, so by the time he arrived at Dick's penthouse apartment it was almost noon. There was a chance that the older bird would be out or at work (which Jason was kind of hoping for, that way he could get his shit and get out without having to interact with Dick) but when Jason rang the bell, it was only a matter of seconds before he heard someone unlocking the door. 

"Jason...what are you doing here?" Dick asked. Jason relished in the fact that Dick at the very least looked like he'd had a rough night. Fair's fair after all and if Jason had to suffer, he wanted Dick to too. 

"Relax dickhead, I'm just here to get my shit and then I'll go. You'll never have to see me again, promise," he stated harshly, shoving past Dick and into the apartment where he started to pick up the few things here and there that he had left over the length of their 'relationship'. 

"I mean why the fuck would some rich golden boy like you want a low-life criminal kid from the streets? You could have some real high-class pretentious Harvard douchebag types fucking you and showering you in money that neither of you need," he snorted, his anger building. 

"Jason please--"

"No, fuck you I'm angry and if I want to let it out I'm damn well gonna! For years I thought that you were someone to look up to, that you were worth my time when I finally got my fuckin' life back but it turns out that it was all some ruse that I, being a stupid shit, fell for!" He shouted, earning a wince from Dick.

He was about to start ranting again when he heard a small whimper and felt something rub up against his leg. His instinct had been to kick whatever it was away, but thankfully he glanced down and saw Robin, Dick's newest canine rescue sitting at his feet. As the small golden retriever puppy glanced up at him with wide eyes and a kind face, Jason felt the anger slowly draining out of him. Before he knew it, he was dropping down to his knees to gently stroke the dog's fur. Jason hadn't seen what was so special about this pup before but given what Dick had been through with Catalina, he was beginning to see how having an animal that loved you unconditionally and was there for comfort could help. 

Dick stood there watching as Jason, one of Gotham's most ruthless vigilantes was taken to his knees by a puppy no bigger than the Red Hood's helmet. It stirred something inside the older man's heart and he felt the urge to explain to Jason why he ran out of the apartment after his confession.

"Jason..." Dick began, falling to his knees beside the younger man and Robin. "About last night--"

Jason shook his head and held up a hand. "I get it...you don't have to explain."

"Would you just shut up for a second and let me talk?" When Jason remained silent, Dick continued. 

"When you released that torrent of emotions on me last night, you caught me in a place I hadn't anticipated being. --For the past year since Catalina...my emotional and mental state has been a little off balanced. Frankly I haven't felt much like I'm worthy of being anything more than a toy to be used and that was what I thought you wanted me for. But last night...hearing that you loved me and that you changed because you wanted to be better for me well--"

Dick slowly leaned closer to Jason and pressed their lips together carefully. It was a tender kiss; gentle where all their other kisses had been born out of need and not the love that they so clearly felt for one another.

"I am by no means healed of what Catalina took from me but I do know that I love you Jason, and if you'll let me...I think I can work on being the man that you deserve."

The pair sat in silence for a moment before Jason finally turned his gaze up to meet Dick's, a soft smile on his face. 

"You're such a sap Dickie," he teased, for once without any real heat behind his words.

Jason smirked and held Robin up in his arms so the puppy could lick Dick's face. 

"We love you too big bird."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're almost at the end! The last chapter after this will be a small epilogue to tie things up in a pretty bow. If you've liked what you've read, you can follow my tumblr (brightestdaay) and give me some more prompts! I've also got another JayDick fic in the works that should be ready for posting soon. Thanks again for reading!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well this is it folks! I plan to add to this little universe with one-shots here and there so if you have funny prompts for this pairing that you'd like, my inbox is open! If you can't reach me here, you can find me on tumblr at brightestdaay

Months passed and the couple grew comfortable being with each other in many ways. Gone were the days of Jason leaving immediately after sex or the days of Dick feeling too insecure to let Jason know how he was feeling. For the most part they split their time between apartments peacefully, with only the occasional fight peppered in but they always ended with the pair in bed, wrapped around each other.

Jason glanced out of the window, arms folded across his chest as he took in the scenery before him. Dick's penthouse had spectacular views of Gotham, and with the snow gently falling it looked almost peaceful. He was donning the new red cable knit sweater that Dick had gotten him and a pair of dark wash jeans -- it occurred to Jason that he looked cleaner cut than he'd looked in years but he supposed that was for a reason.

"Ready to go little wing?" 

He turned to see Dick in a matching blue sweater, a wide grin upon his face that drew a sigh from Jason.

"Do we really have to do to this? I haven't been back to the manor since...well you fuckin' know since when. Trust me, the old man doesn't want me there. He's only doin' this to save face with you, the replacement, and the demon brat," Jason spat, his anger rapidly rising.

"That's not true Jason! He invited us,  _both of us_ ," Dick sighed, tossing his hands up. 

Jason was about to launch into another rant when he felt Robin brush up against him, whining softly. In the months since Jason and Dick had gotten back together, Robin had seem them both through nightmares, attacks of PTSD, and fights. She was part of the glue keeping both of the vigilantes together.

The younger man sighed and crouched down, cuddling the now 6 month old puppy close. "You're too good for us girl, y'know that?" he mused softly. 

"All right give me her leash. If I have to go, then she does too. But keep demon brat away, he seems to take in animals like Bruce takes in orphans," Jason muttered. 

Dick chuckled and passed over Robin's leash, pausing to give Jason a chaste kiss before grabbing the bags of presents that they were bringing over with them. "Come on you two, we're already late as it is," Dick said, already on the way out the door.

xXx

The drive over to the manor was spent in silence with Jason sitting in back with Robin, which he had explained to Dick was because Robin got nervous in the car, but Dick it was really because Robin was helping to calm Jason's anxiety about returning to the place that had once been his home. The couple had visited a few times before, but usually only to have tea with Alfred or to run a case by Bruce. This was the first time Jason would be around the entire batclan since he had returned from the dead.

Briefly Dick wondered if he was going to have to force Jason out of the car or if he'd come willingly.

The gravel driveway crunched beneath the tires of Dick's car as he pulled into the long driveway attached to the manor. "We're here Jase...you planning on leaving the car?" Dick asked as he unbuckled and glanced back to his boyfriend. 

"Well Robin seems comfortable back here...I wouldn't want to disturb her--"

"Jason..."

"Fine! Fine just get the presents, we'll be right there," Jason sighed as he helped Robin out of the car by her leash. "C'mon baby, I'll protect you from the crazy batboys and their insane leader," he cooed.

Alfred answered the door, greeting both of the boys and the dog cordially before leading them in to the large family room where the towering Wayne Family Christmas Tree was taking up a large presence. For a family of so much wealth, there was only a modest amount of gifts under the tree, but even Jason knew that Bruce spent most of his money during the holiday on various charities; after all, the boys all had everything they could ever need so Christmas was less about the money and more about the meaning behind each gift given.

"Master Jason, Master Dick would you care for a mug of cider? I made a fresh batch this morning. Or if you would prefer I have eggnog, though it is regrettably without alcohol I'm afraid," Alfred mused, offering out a tray with drinks to choose from.

"Cider is fine, thanks Al," Jason said as he grabbed two mugs and passed one off to Dick. The couple moved to take seats on one of the couches near the fireplace just as Bruce walked in, Tim and Damian trailing behind him. 

"Keep your pets out of my room Damian! It's not that damn hard to understand that I don't want dog and cat fur all over my clothes!" Tim shouted.

"It is of no consequence to me if they enter your room Drake. I am surprised you can even tell they have been in there given the raging dumpster fire that is your room," Damian sneered. 

The fight was edging towards physical blows before Robin gave a loud bark, disrupting the fight and drawing the attention of both boys and Bruce.

"What is the murderer doing here?" Damian spat, narrowing his gaze at Jason. 

"Damian enough. Jason is family and he is welcome here at any time. Now it's Christmas so I don't want to hear any more arguing about this or from you and Tim. Do you understand me?" Bruce leveled a stare at Damian worthy of Batman which would put any faithful Robin in their place without question.

"Yes Father," Damian replied obediently. The 10 year-old boy quickly took to Robin, bringing her over to the fire to sit and relax. 

Once Alfred had handed each person a glass of eggnog or mug of cider, Bruce declared that it was time to open gifts. 

Bruce picked up a box and walked over to Alfred, presenting him with the gift. The butler, gracious and tactful as always looked surprised by the gift even though Bruce insisted on giving him something every year.

"This is from all of us Alfred, for all that you do for us," Bruce said softly. In many ways Bruce knew that Alfred was the Father he had never had, becoming the only adult in his life to be there for him at a young age when his parents were killed.

Jason frowned and glanced to Dick, questioning the gift but Dick simply waved it off and squeezed Jason's hand gently in return.

Everyone watched with anticipation as Alfred opened the box and sifted through the brightly colored tissue paper to take out a small journal. Inside the journal there was a ticket for a flight to England and a train ticket for a tour across the country. There was also an envelope of spending money and an itinerary that included Alfred's lodging arrangements. 

"Sirs...this is far too much," he whispered, looking to all of them. 

"You deserve it Alfred. You have three weeks paid vacation, two of them are detailed there in front of you and the third is up to you. Just name the place and I'll arrange it. I was hoping you might detail your journey back home in that journal so that we can learn more about you. You know all of us so well, I think it's only right we pay you the same respect," he said. 

Alfred was stoic as ever but his voice did waver when next he spoke. "Thank you all so much, it means so very much to me," he whispered.

Gift giving resumed with Damian receiving new art supplies, Tim a new tablet, and Dick some upgraded escrima sticks and a book of cheesy puns that Jason made a mental note to burn. Bruce got a drawing of his parents from Damian, a new Keurig coffee maker for the cave from Tim, and a sweater from Dick. Jason had found a picture of him as Robin standing with Bruce who was dressed in Batman gear without the cowl on and both of them smiling. He put it in a frame and wrapped it as his Christmas present.

When Bruce unwrapped the photo, the entire room fell silent. "Jason this..." Bruce paused to clear his throat and it was clear he was tearing up just a little.

"Don't get all mushy on me old man. It...it was a nice time just leave it at that," Jason spoke quickly, desperate to avoid any old feelings. 

Bruce nodded and swallowed. "Of course. Thank you Jason, this is a wonderful gift."

Dick beamed and grabbed his gift to Jason. "That means it's my turn. Open it little wing," Dick whispered. 

Jason took the small intricately wrapped box and carefully pried the paper away. He opened the box and lifted a plain gold key out with a small note attached that included all of Dick's security codes to the penthouse apartment. 

"You've gotta be fuckin' kidding me," Jason muttered as he held the key.

Dick's smile faded quickly. "That's not quite the reaction I was hoping to get--"

Jason cut him off by swiftly tossing his own gift to Dick at the older man. "Just open it."

When the wrapping paper hit the floor and the box had been torn open, Dick was left holding a small silver key much like the one that Jason had received.

"Guess we both had the same idea Dickie," Jason chuckled. Dick's smiled reappeared on his face and he leaned in, kissing Jason deeply. He threaded his fingers through Jason's soft black curls and sighed happily.

"So Jay...my place or yours?" 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed reading this! It's the first multi-chaptered fic I've ever finished! I have another JayDick Apocalyptic style fic in the works, but until then you guys can reach me on tumblr! Thank you all for reading and staying with me through it all!


End file.
